Video of the Week – Cat Saves Boy From Dog

I know that this video has already made the social media rounds. But this is an exemplary display bravery and fearlessness. And, when cats foster such goodwill with humans, it furthers my quest to rule the world. Earning the affection  of humans will make it easier my fellow felines to help me accomplish my goals. Cats are powerful and intelligent. And when the need arises to save a human, they will spring into action (hopefully with the added benefit of additional wet food later). This video is titled, “My Cat Saved My Son.” These are the kind of cats I am recruiting for my followers – fearless, loyal, and ready for action. This cat deserves a medal of...
Kahn’s Corner – Halloween Cat Costumes

Kahn’s Corner – Halloween Cat Costumes

(Kahn’s Korner) Today’s question comes from Sarge from St. Paul, Minnesota. Sarge’s Question: Meow?Why does my owner feel the need to dress me up every October and snap photos? I don't like it. It's humiliating. ~ Sarge Kahn’s Answer: Sarge, you are correct. Humans do have a penchant for putting ridiculous pieces of fabric and other materials on themselves, their young ones, dogs, and us cats. Especially this time of year. They “think”  it is “cute,” “adorable,” and “funny.” Ha. Ha. You have two options when a human subjects you to the indignity of a costume. The first option is the “harness and leash” technique. I am sure you know what I am talking about. Remember the time your handler farcically thought that they would leash train you? And you simply laid there, not moving the entire time the harness was on you? If the human is able to restrain you long enough to get a costume on you, then just lay there. If you are not providing them with a photo op that will enhance their standing on social media channels, your handler will most likely become bored and remove the costume. The second option is the “retch and be free” technique. Once the costume is on you, strike a pose that is most becoming to you. At the moment the human is ready to take a picture, hack up a hairball or upchuck your lunch. Make sure most of the substance lands on the costume. There should be enough on the costume to require your handler to remove the costume immediately. And if you time it just right, the photo will be taken at just the...
Blog of the Week – Glogirly

Blog of the Week – Glogirly

To achieve my goal to rule the world, I hold myself to high standards. They are impossibly high standards, especially for mere humans. So I was surprised to find a cat blog that comes close to meeting my exacting standards when it comes to design and cat content. The “Blog of the Week” features Waffles. No, not the breakfast food that humans devour at breakfast (and sometimes dinner in my household). Waffles is a cat. Waffles and his housemate Katie are the subjects of the Glogirly blog. You have likely already heard of Glogirly. The blog has quite a following. Of course my glowing endorsement will only enhance it’s credibility. The blog follows the adventures of Waffles and Katie. Because they do not have a dog to tease, they end up poking fun at each other. I find it amusing. The blog is polished and well organized, as evidenced by the many design awards it has won. I will begin the reeducation of my handlers regarding the tenets of good design by making Glogirly the homepage of their browser. My handlers tend to be slow learners, so it may take awhile. But Glogirly is not all about good design and entertaining me. It has a serious mission: To raise funds for homeless cats. I support this cause whole-heartedly. The more cats that can be place into homes with Internet connections, the easier it will be to organize and train them. Glogirly also has humorous videos of Waffles and Katie, as well as photos, product reviews, and contests. I recommend it. A Glogirly Video (Not surprisingly, it was a Friskies contest finalist.)...
Follower of the Week: Coco

Follower of the Week: Coco

(Fellow felines, scroll to the bottom to see how you can be the next “Follower of the Week”). This year I received a new housemate and follower named Coco Chanel.  Coco had a rough life. She was abandoned at an apartment complex. The humans from Meow Village attempted to find her a good home. She was “adopted” by a family who unfortunately thought that Coco could be an outdoor cat. That didn’t work out, so she was returned to Meow Village. That’s where I come in. Being the excellent leader I am, I know that all cats need to be part of a “family.” They need a home where loyalty is a two-way street. Because of her background, I had a soft spot for Coco. So I allowed my handlers to bring her into the household. I welcomed her, even allowing her use of my litter box. So how would I describe Coco?  Coco was a 10-year-old tortoiseshell with long fur. She was named after Coco Chanel, the famous French fashion designer and founder of Chanel. She looked like she was always mad, which could come in handy at times, particularly when she wanted wet food. Facade aside, Coco had a warm and loving heart. Because of her past, she was a bit apprehensive at first. But after a few weeks, she warmed up to our handlers.  It must have been hard for a cat that had had such a rough life to trust again, but she finally did. As you may know, I was hospitalized on August 18 after heart failure. I even wrote a book to help my handlers with the medical bills. What you may not know is...

Video of the Week – Cat Parkour

Trying to rule the world is a tough job. It takes a lot of brains and talent. It also means that I must identify other talented cats that I can recruit. I’m not into the plethora of cutesy “nyan cat” videos on YouTube. They serve a purpose, but not my purpose. When I peruse YouTube, I’m looking for cats that display brain power and incredible talent. It’s not an easy job. I find myself having to surf through tons of “eHarmony cat lady” videos, so called “cat fails,” and an endless array of cats chasing laser dots without success in catching it. But I do sift through these to find the true diamonds in the rough and that’s the purpose of this weekly column. Every Friday I present a new video that demonstrates the superiority of the cat species. These aren’t “cutesy felines.” They are “fearless felines.” Our first video to launch this column is a parkour cat named DIDGA. DIDGA is fearless and does a great job of demonstrating why cats rule. Parkour Cat –...
Kahn’s Korner – Same Food Every Day

Kahn’s Korner – Same Food Every Day

(Kahn’s Korner) Today’s question comes from Fluffy from Saratoga, Florida. Fluffy’s Question: Meow?Why does my owner feed me the exact same food everyday? Should I boycott eating in order to get something different? ~ Fluffy Kahn’s Answer: Fluffy, you are absolutely right. Handlers tend to get complacent when it comes to dinner time. There is no excuse for serving you the same food day in and day out. They are just being lazy. In your particular situation, I would not recommend that you boycott your meals. If your handlers notice that you stopped eating, they may take you to the dreaded veterinarian. You want to avoid that at all costs. Instead, I recommend a two-step process: First, eat at least some of your boring food. It is very important that your handlers see you eating. Second, with your handlers still in hearing range, tip the bowl over. You have got to make it really clatter. The food, if dry, should scatter all over the place. This works really well on hard surfaced floors. It is even better if your food bowl is kept above the floor, like mine is. Having a bowl of food drop three feet to the floor really sends your handlers a message. Never fear, Fluffy! By using my proven technique, I assure you the your handlers will soon get the point and begin serving you a wide selection of...
Cat Blog of the Week – I Have Cat

Cat Blog of the Week – I Have Cat

As I reenter the arena of blogging, I feel it is necessary to inspect successful blogs and glean knowledge from them. The current subject of investigation is a blog called I Have Cat. This blog is run by Tamar, who I will forgive for being a human. She has a solid writing style with correct spelling and grammar, which I appreciate in cat-centric blogs. Tamar is the the handler for three cats: Kip, Petie and Haddie. My female handler enjoys the astrology posts and the stories of struggle against the “cat lady” label. But I know that cats will like the discussions of cat toys and furniture, as well as the blog’s advocacy on behalf of cats. I Have Cat also has contests (I will be adding some KAHNtests here soon), making it not only fun to read, but also profitable for the winners. I also enjoy reading the cat product guide and have highlighted one item for my handlers to buy me – the Square Cat Habitat furniture. This house needs more elegant and more scratchers. While I’d love for you to hang around here, you should check out I Have Cat as my choice for Cat Blog of the...

Follower of the Week: Asia

For my first “Follower of the Week,” I introduce my housemate, Asia. Asia is a five-year-old tortie. She was introduce to her handler, who happens to be the daughter of my own handlers, at Salem Friends of Felines when Asia was 12 weeks old. Both parties were amenable to the match, so Asia has been residing in the house ever since. Asia was diagnosed (by a vet, unfortunately) with a mild form of cerebellar hypoplasia. This can cause her to be a bit unsteady and walk with strange gait. But under my careful tutelage, her condition is of little concern. Her most recent ninja training consisted of hiding. Asia’s three favorite things are strings, cat nip and, of course, me. Would you like to featured as my Follower of the Week? Send your name, the city and state in which you reside, your bio and your personal photo, if available, to meow@kahnthecat.com. By e-mailing me your information, your are me giving permission to post it on KahnTheCat.com. In addition, by providing a photo, you are indicating that you have rights to the photo and that I have permission to use it...
A Sister and Follower has Fallen – Goodbye Coco

A Sister and Follower has Fallen – Goodbye Coco

Having experienced my own brush with death, I am greatly saddened when someone close to me dies. Coco Chanel was a comrade, follower, friend, and housemate. We didn’t always see paw to paw, but we respected each other and knew we were family. Coco was my “sister in paws.” Yesterday, September 28, Coco lost her battle with an aggressive form of cancer. Her handlers, who are my handlers too, discovered this crisis at the same time I was returning home from the hospital. I have written some notes about Coco as my farewell… — Dear Coco, I didn’t know you as long as I would have liked to. You came into our household after being rejected by your former owners. And yet you were one of the most delicate, loving, and appreciative felines I have ever known. I was hoping we would spend years together and that you would help me execute my plan to rule the world. Alas, it was not to be. I was saddened when I heard you had an aggressive form of cancer that had spread throughout your body. I know my handlers spent thousands of dollars trying to save you as they did me. You were important to them. They did not want to lose you. And neither did I.  Your battle may have been lost, but you brought victory to our household through your presence. You will forever be cherished and remembered. Kahn — For all of my followers out there… you can help remember Coco through your contribution to help pay her vet bills. You can do this in one of two...

My Handlers Finally Get a Clue

Since I’ve returned from the hospital, my handlers have been hiding some of my medication in my wet food. They act like I don’t know. Most assuredly, I do know. What they DON’T know is that I am more than willing to take this medicine in wet food, but I’d like my meal served in a more refined, cultured way. They accord such luxury to themselves everyday. What am I talking about? I’m talking about a plate, darn it! They finally relented and gave me the dignity I have...

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