National Cat Day Should Be Every Day

National Cat Day Should Be Every Day

There is something seriously wrong with limiting the celebration of cat-dom to one day. Let me explain why every day should be a celebration of all things feline. Humans love us more. This is proven by the fact that there are approximately 96 million of us cats live with humans in the United States. Only about 80 million dogs are “owned” by humans. Do you see my point? Sorry, dogs! Cats are smart enough to run government. For example, a cat named Stubbs was mayor of an Alaskan city for 17 years. Mayor Stubbs, I thank you for elevating the standing of cats everywhere. We land on our feet. In addition, cats rule YouTube and the hearts of viewers. According to an AdAge article titled, “10 Stats that will change the way you look at video:” “We looked at the 100 most-watched clips for both furry friends and aggregated their performance. Cat videos have generated over 1.6 billion views. Dog videos have only generated 1 billion views. Cats win on a daily basis as well, with the top 100 videos generating about 1 million views per day. The top 100 dog videos produce 700,000 views on average.” If 1 million people are watching us on YouTube every day (self plug – subscribe to my YouTube channel) then they should be celebrating us every day too. Not convinced yet? How about a reputable study that showed that Cats Control Humans? That’s right. We have a certain Jedi-mind trick sound we make that elicits a desired response in humans. We know how to press our handlers buttons. With that in mind, pay close attention humans: “Every Day is National...
One Cat Versus the World – My Action Film Debut

One Cat Versus the World – My Action Film Debut

My Project Hollywood quest continues as my talents are loaned to a new action film titled, “Kahn Versus the World” (I came up with that title, which is why it is so great). In essence, I felt if I could become the next Indiana Cat, it would make it easier for me to gain followers in my quest to rule the world. So in this trailer, I mix looking adorable with being a Hollywood mega action star in great demand. My Twitter account should swell with followers now (you are signed up, right?!). Enjoy my latest “Project Hollywood”...
Famous Quotes Every Cat Should Live By

Famous Quotes Every Cat Should Live By

In my quest for world dominance, I have studied the art of ruling. As such, I’ve found inspiration in some famous quotes. These are quotes that every cat should live by: “Of all God’s creatures, there is only one that cannot be made slave of the lash. That one is the cat. If man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat.” ~Mark Twain~ “I have studied many philosophers and many cats. The wisdom of cats is infinitely superior.” ~Hippolyte Taine~ “History will be kind to me for I intend to write it.” ~Winston Churchill~ “Everything I know I learned from my cat: When you’re hungry, eat. When you’re tired, nap in a sunbeam. When you go to the vet’s, pee on your owner.” ~Gary Smith~ “I’m going to show these people what you don’t want them to see. I’m going to show them a world without you. A world without rules or controls, borders or boundaries. A world where anything is possible.” ~Neo, The Matrix~ “You can keep a dog; but it is the cat who keeps people, because cats find humans useful domestic animals.” ~George Mikes~ “Some people say that cats are sneaky, evil, and cruel. True, and they have many other fine qualities as well.” ~Missy Dizick~ “Do not respond to a barking dog.” ~Moroccan Jewish Quote~ “Those who sleep with dogs will rise with fleas.” ~a wise Italian Proverb~ “Cats are kindly masters, just so long as you remember your place.” ~Paul...
Project Hollywood – Phase 1

Project Hollywood – Phase 1

In my quest to rule the world, I spent some time evaluating human society.  They place a great importance on people they call “actors.”  Oh, if they only knew who was the greatest actor of all. These entertainers are worshiped and adored by humans, and some smart actors decide to convert this into great positions of power.  Examples of those who used their celebrity to get into politics include Sonny Bono, Jesse Ventura, Fred Thompson, Arnold Schwarzenegger, and Ronald Reagan.  Others used their star power for bleeding heart causes, such as U2’s Bono, Brad Pitt, Paul Newman, and Leonardo DiCaprio Since, of course, I am the greatest actor in the world (as the movie trailers I will be posting in the week’s ahead attest to), I have determined that I will harness the star power of Hollywood for my own greatness.  I will manipulate the weak-willed population by creating a persona that no one can resist.  Here is my debut move trailer, Ninja Kitty. How can you not love...
Casing Out the Cat Vet Doctor

Casing Out the Cat Vet Doctor

I have just recently returned from a humiliating visit to the vet’s office.  There was absolutely no reason for my handlers to overreact in such a manner.  It all started with my effort to perfect flying jumps.  This type of training is necessary to gain the physical prowess I will need to reach my goal of world domination. Granted, I did make a slight miscalculation, resulting in a botched maneuver that caused me to land roughly at the bottom of the stairs (from the balcony).  My landing made a loud noise that attracted the attention of one of my handlers.  I only appeared to be stunned and hurt, but it was only my superior ability to behave in a manner that makes it appear that I am an innocent, cute kitten.  But this ruse comes with consequences, and this time it came with a trip in the car to my nemesis, the vet called Dr. Mike. I used the opportunity to case his office and look for weaknesses. Unfortunately, my weak-minded handlers are easily influenced by Dr. Mike.  They believed his hyperbolic description of my “injuries,” and allowed him to prescribe pharmaceuticals for me that dulled my superior feline abilities for a time. But this is just a minor set...
My Hero, Darth Vader

My Hero, Darth Vader

Every ruler needs a hero, and mine is Darth Vader.  As you can see in this video, I can hardly contain my excitement at being so close to even a toy (Star Wars Darth Vader Bank) that imitates this worthy object of my admiration.  What traits does this epic leader have that earns my idolization? 1) The mercilessness quest for power. 2) The unfailing belief in destiny. 3) The deep...

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